I didn’t have a completely bad day. I had a great lunch with an old friend I haven’t seen since I went to uni the first time around. We covered so much in the hour – just by chance I bumped into him last week and we sat and talked today. It was fun.
But I feel flat. I wonder when this sadness and longing will pass. It wasn’t a break up I went through, I don’t know what it was. I fell so quickly, and then, nothing.
I’m trying, with all my might, not to. Not to call, not to text, not to think, not to remember. I’m achieving 50 percent so far.
I don’t know whether I’ve found solace in these sad songs, or whether they make me sadder. Like sad movies, I enjoy sad songs. These songs are the music I’ve been missing.
On a side note, I’d never seen Sinead O’Connor with hair until last week.
I am done talking about things. But haven’t processed things in my own head. I haven’t loved many, but I hate that I have the ability to fall in love so easily.
That Roxette song is is eerily fitting, in many ways.
Two months ago, I wasn’t thinking about anyone significant. Now my heart feels like it’s a construction site.
At times I don’t feel like anyone understands just why I am so upset, and why I felt love. People care, they offer advice, quick to tell me to forget about things and move on.
I wish I could just fast forward through to a time that isn’t right now. To a time when my head is clear and my heart is light.
I can think of a few reasons why I am upset and felt love, but they are so hard to articulate right now.
I really miss you. Really. So very much.