Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone I love.

My family.
My friends.
My colleagues,
The handful of celebrities I adore.
My (sometimes unrequited) loves, past and present. 

Valentine’s Day isn’t my thing. But I’m sure it would be if I was coupled up.

I think it’s over commercialised. All cutesy animals, bears, hearts, and errr, sex toys. But I would of course gush at the act of a bunch of flowers and a giant bear being delivered to me.

I have often used Valentine’s Day to tell those who I love my feelings. I guess it seems like an appropriate day to do so. I’ve given a few cards to two or three boys. And I once gave a pink elephant and a card with the message ‘you have a beautiful smile’ and my phone number to someone I worked with. The stockroom boys found out it was my number, teased me by calling me Mrs Hisname, and then when my Valentine recipient finally thanked me for the card and told me how honoured he was and brave I was, I ran to the toilet and squealed like a girl.

I have also waited outside Savage Garden’s hotel for eight hours on Valentine’s Day 1998. I did not meet my dream, my wish or my fantasy that day.

The day after that, I received a large package in the mail from a boy I was penpalling with. He sent me a heart shaped box with a teddy bear inside. And a love letter sprayed with his Lynx deodorant. Romantic.

And that heart shaped box was the only Valentine’s Day action I’ve received.

I did once receive flowers at work. The courier came in, asked if I was Carly, and placed a huge box of flowers on my desk. Everyone said ‘ooooh’ and I wondered who they were from. And then I looked at the card. It was addressed to Kylie. I got up and placed them on Kylie’s desk – she sat next to me. Everyone said ‘awww’ to me and ‘ooohed’ at Kylie. Disappointment.

Today will be spent at work, and then with one of my best work friends in the audience of the filming of Adam Hills in Gordon Street Tonight – look out for it airing on ABC 1 this Wednesday. It will be just another day.

Of course I’ll be thinking of the one I love – like I do every day. I have realised that even though you know you’re both not suited to a relationship with each other, you can’t help loving them. I never thought it’d come to this, and now that it has, it really sucks. I miss him a lot.

And here is my anti-Valentine’s Day song, for me and everyone else who feels like me. You Am I – Heavy Heart. It’s melancholy and heartfelt, and saves me from doing the drinking. It’s the music I’ve been missing.