Is eye candy really worth it? Maybe brain or heart candy is better?
~ tweet by @Ambiguousviews
The question above was posed to me on Twitter after I commented on not seeing enough hot men at the football last week – my first football match.
Despite my desires for people to look past the exterior, I can be quite superficial – ogling good looking men on TV, in bands, bars, uni… anywhere really. I fall for blue eyes, great smiles, toned arms and scruff.
My good friend (also insightful and quite the romantic) Steve Tucker said “You cannot get to the brain or heart candy without the eye candy. Eye candy underpins attraction”.
Good point, but for me, things don’t often start with looks. Or do they? Men often dismiss potential with me because of my looks. I have a killer online dating profile (with a killer picture of me, red face and all) – “Stylish, kind hearted and outgoing writer and TV presenter seeking friendship, romance and love” – what a catch!! No? “No thanks” say the replies.
I spoke about the difficulty of online dating on Triple J last week. One of the things I spoke about, but was edited out, was the way I feel attracted to other qualities in men, beyond their physical appearance. And I think this is because of my own experiences of finding it hard for people to firstly look past my appearance to get to know me, and then appreciate my appearance.
I have felt attracted to people, even loved them, based on intellect, conversation, humour and their ability to feel compassion and love. It’s like the more I get to know and love someone, the more physically attractive they become. I’ve met a few people online, who I’ve bonded with via text/email and phone, and met them and felt almost instant attraction to their looks. I can remember two of these moments with two people – neither particularly romantic (in the car and playing with his dog), but it was then that their eye and brain candy collided with their eye candy. To make a giant heart lollipop?
I find articulate use of words attractive. Email and text exchanges can make me fall in love – and if they’re a good speller, I’m planning my wedding. I find intellect attractive. If we can have an intelligent, meaningful conversation, my heart flutters. And if they are compassionate towards humankind and better still, me, they’ve won my heart. Looks rarely matter.
I believe heart and brain candy surpasses eye candy. There have been a few times where I’ve never been fussed about what someone looked like because I’ve loved their ‘personality candy’. And then their physical appearance catches my eye and I’m a puddle on the floor. Their personality heightens their looks so much. It’s like they’re Simon Denny, Hamish Blake and Callan Mulvey morphed into one. With a personality I am in love with.
Maybe this is dangerous? Falling in love with words. Over thinking. Being easily pleased by kind things being said (and maybe not always done?). I get hurt. I wonder if I will ever put eye candy before brain and heart candy, and I wonder if this will protect me more?