I used to be all about craving my own company. I think it stems from being an only child. I would look forward to the end of the work week when I could spend time alone, unwinding and enjoying solitude. Now I find myself needing to spend time with other people. I still enjoy time alone, but I want to connect with others in person.
My skin is so sore right now. I’ve been off work sick. My legs are thumping in pain, inflamed and swollen. They rub against my clothes, hard to walk on and feel better elevated. The skin on the backs of my hands are cracked, inflamed and hot. It hurts.
My pain is private. Skin infections can be yucky, and I don’t want to repulse people. Not many people see it, and it’s hard to explain. It’s a bit lonely. The skin shed tells many stories. I’m the main witness, along with my parents, and the medical staff. I remember how it cracks and peels and gathers in the bed. I remember how it stings and thumps and feels sore from my bones to my clothes. Unfortunately the renewed skin still has a memory, and the pain cycle continues.
I struggle with the responsibility of having a chronic illness and saving face. If I am not well enough to be at work, am I well enough to see loved ones while still resting? My brain still works, and I never stop talking or eating. Still, I want to see people. I want to laugh and have a hug with friends, chatting away to pretend its not sore.
I have been resting. Sleeping. Reading magazines, blogs and Twitter. Online connectedness isn’t enough for me right now.
I needed to get out of my mind, and out of my pyjamas. I saw two friends, my movements were slow, yet I was happy. We talked and laughed over meals, and for a while, I forgot I was sore.
It was nice, these impromptu, healing catch ups. I have good friends.
(Picture of street art taken in a carpark in Victoria Street North Melbourne)
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I am so glad you have such good friends to help you through the difficult times.
Special people get special friends like that.
Big warm virtual hugs.xx
Oh, babe. Do whatever you need to do to feel a bit better.
You are an amazing and inspiring person Carly. Your courage astounds me. Take care and get better soon.
Distraction is the best defense against pain we know – you do whatever you need to do to get through it! Hope you are feeling better soon!
Friends always seem to be able to make things easier.
Hope you are feeling better Carly. I'm an extrovert in the true sense of the word, as in I get my energy from being with other people. While I'm comfortable with my own company, I get down very quickly if I'm on my own for an extended period. Which makes being sick really sucky because I feel like crap and then my mood gets even crappier about being alone.
I'm glad your friends were able to give you that distraction for a few hours at least.
I am thinking of you and glad you have the distraction of good friends for a few laughs.
Hopefully you will feel better Carly. I had to comment on the street art photo, which is by one of my favorite artists Baby Guerilla. She's got a few pieces around Brunswick, which you can see in this post: http://bewarelatenightthinking.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/melbourne-street-art-baby-guerilla.html. Her main spot though is in Footscray, where she's just completed another huge wall piece (check out her Facebook page for photos).