This is what (my) ichthyosis – Netherton’s syndrome – feels like:: Papercuts in the under-boob region.

I got out of the shower and put ointment on. I start with my face, then my feet and up my body. Face, feet, knees and chest, knees and chest.

As I bent over, boobs hanging down, I felt some pain. I put ointment all over them too, and the pain didn’t ease. The skin is stinging. Underneath my boobs.

It’s like I have papercuts under my breasts. Ouch.

I don’t even know how this happened. I don’t read with my boobs. I don’t open envelopes with them either.

Anyway, mum called me and we had a chat. I mentioned that my boobs are sore – and we had a laugh. We’re both busty ladies – she told me “the joys of having boobs!” Indeed.

So I’ve put on my unattractive Ah Bra that I reserve for when my regular bras have dig into my skin so much it’s weeping and put an oversized top on. There aren’t any pesky underwires to hurt my under-boob papercuts. I can’t even wear pretty things when I’m in pain.

Note: this is not my body. I draw the line at sharing a picture of me in a floppy bra on the Internet. I got this pic from an Ah Bra ad. I stuck a smiley over her face, because maybe she likes wearing Ah Bras and doesn’t want to be shamed by me referencing my floppy bra-d, papercut boob situation.

Also: I alerted Adam to a study that has found men looking at women’s breasts increases their life expectancy. Neither of us know if this is true but he is looking at mine more, so he can live past 100. (This article is sexist but I feel I need to back up my claim!)