Carly Findlay

Writer, speaker, appearance activist. Loving life!

Megan Gale and I. Kindred spirits!

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Megan Gale and I never had much in common until yesterday. Sure we were both at the same taping of the Adam Hills show. And we both like fashion. And that’s it.

But yesterday the supermodel, voted one of Who Magazine’s most beautiful people, overheard a couple of girls in a cafe berating her looks. And she gave them a serve! And I never felt so akin to Megan until the moment I read about it.

 

“Wow.. They’re really dissecting my looks! This is quite remarkable to hear… I’m literally less than a metre away from them.. “

“Alright, I’m going to say something… I think I have to no? Stand by tweeps for what happens next!! … “

“God I wish I could have filmed that whole entire scene!! Ok so while they were in the midst if picking me to bits, I lifted my head… “

“..which was down, tweeting & obscured by baseball cap,smiled & sweetly said “hi”. One clutched her heart,closed eyes & said Oh my God!”

“The other, most venomous of the two smiled at me & had the audacity to say hi oh my god how are you?!…”

“Still smiling, I said ‘You should be careful what you say guys, you never know who might be listening’… “

“The back pedalling was quite interesting but their extremely chatty table became dead silent in a matter of seconds. They just left… M xx”

It annoys me that girls are so nasty. Finding fault in others. Bringing each other down. Jealousy. Critical of image and success. Such criticism of celebs makes us ordinary people feel rather self conscious. I can’t imagine the embarrassment the girls discussing Megan would have felt. And so they should.

The situation that happened to Megan in the cafe happens to me a lot. Mostly silent stares, but sometimes comments or discussion about my appearance than I can hear.

Remember earlier this year when the boys on the train took photos of me and I confronted them? Back then I wrote:

I headed home on the train about 6.30. I put my headphones on and noticed a group of four teenagers staring at me. My music was on softly so I could hear them say how red I look, and laughing about my appearance. The ones who could see me pointed me out to the ones who were facing away from me. For them to get a better view, two of them took photos of me on their iPhones and showed them to the others. The angles they held their phones at made it pretty obvious they were photographing me. They continued to take photos of me, and when I stood up to exit the train, there a mad scramble to put their phones down.

I rarely confront someone if they aren’t directly speaking to me about my appearance. Today I did.

When I reached the door, I said ‘hey guys, could you please stop taking photos of me and showing them around. It’s disrespectful’. Of course they denied it, muttering how stupid I am to say that. I said ‘I may be red but I’m not stupid. I could see what you were doing’. Smirks continued. I said something else about them not understanding or respecting disability, and mentioned that my appearance has got me a role on TV. I was shaking, and even almost an hour later, I am still shaking.

And a year ago, when the woman in the store abused me, telling me to get out of the store, fearing my face would ruin her clothes? And I gave her a big “Fuck You” and wrote this:

The first shop we walked into was a second hand shop called Things Second Hand. It’s located at 115 High Street.

I remember looking at a jacket, and then walking down the shop behind Mum. The shop was stacked with stuff. So much stuff I didn’t actually see any individual items other than piles of stuff.

The shop keeper stared at me for about 20 seconds. I smiled and asked her if she was ok.

She said ‘what’s on your face?’

Here we go again, I thought. Another person questioning my appearance.

‘Nothing’, I said.

‘What’s on your face?’, she demanded again.

Mum and I turned around to walk out of the store.

‘Be careful of the clothes. I don’t want what’s on your face to ruin them’.

Yep. She said that. Several times, in a high pitched voice. Bitch.

Now generally, no matter how rude someone is when asking about my appearance, they may have a tiny concern for my wellbeing. Worried I am sunburnt. Worried I am burnt.

Not this woman. She was worried about her second hand clothes in her store, that was already packed the rafters with junk, getting dirty from my vaseline.

Sure, my vaseline poses a problem for the clothes I wear. My washing machine has a work out. I have to carefully choose fabrics so the oil doesn’t show up.

But today, I didn’t touch anything in her store, let alone rub my face up against them.

Though I defend myself pretty well, I rarely swear.

I said ‘fuck you’ to her more than four times.

I told her that I was born this way and that my face will not harm her ‘fucking clothes’.

In haste, I pushed Mum into another piece of junk in her shop as we walked out.
She followed us out, ranting.

She ranted on the street. She ranted to passers by about how rude I was and that my face would damage her clothes.

There has been one other time in my 28 years that a shopkeeper has queried me about my vaseline ruining their clothes. The other time was about 10 years ago when a lady asked me politely not to touch the hats in the store. She wasn’t rude. But I did walk about of the store.

I love shopping, and when I do try on clothes, I take the utmost care to ensure my skin and vaseline doesn’t damage the clothes. There have been times when I’ve felt compelled to buy something if too much of my skin is on the clothing.

But today, I didn’t touch anything. Today was unbelievable. I have never felt so worthless, or demeaned in a store.

I felt like going back in there, and smearing vaseline over the junk in the store.

And then I wrote her a letter.

Each time I stand up to someone I feel so proud. Sometimes shaky but so proud.

I felt so good about Megan Gale yesterday. No one should be ridiculed about their looks. Even when you’re in the public eye. Especially when you’re as beautiful as her.

Comments

  1. Oh Carly, I am sorry they made you feel like shit(in that moment) If it is any consolation imagine the sad, sad lives they must lead. I for one think you are lovely and I really enjoyed the time I spent with you in Sydney.

  2. Unfortunately, people can be arseholes. I am particularly gobsmacked at the behaviour of the woman in the store. Not only was she cruel and mean, but discriminatory. Good for you for standing up for yourself. And I loved spending time with you in Sydney, you are beautiful inside and out.

  3. Well sweetie I'm totally jeolous that you've met Megan Gale!! I'm so sorry people can be like that, I suppose it would make it easier if they asked you things so you could explain it to them..Unfortunately people are very narrow minded..

  4. It amazes me how some people just have NO consideration for other people's feelings. Well done for standing up to them!! Fuckers.

    I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before (so, hello!) but I've been reading for a while. This post just made me feel really angry and empowered at the same time. Angry to think that there are such rude people out there, but the same time, empowered, because there is nothing more inspiring than hearing about somebody standing up for themselves.

    Great post xxx

  5. I was impressed with the way Megan Gale handled the situation.

    wow I cant believe that shop owner could be so dicriminating, your post left me speachless. Your a strong woman Carly, I would be a blubbering mess after something like that.

  6. There are things about human beings I will never understand. One of which is bringing people down based on their appearance. If you are fat, it's a problem; if you are thin, it's a problem; if you are dark, it's a problem, if you are white, it's a problem…

    Kudos to you for what you said to the woman at the second hand store. I just had to comment and de-lurk. The name of the store has been duly noted.

  7. There really are people who deserve the biggest fuck off tablet ever. Well done you for telling her to do so. As for those kids, hopefully one day they'll have the intelligence and maturity to not behave the way they did. I am very jealous of the Megan meeting! I adore her!! XX

  8. I like Megan Gale – not because she's beautiful and famous (even though she is) but because, from what I've seen of her, she seems like a genuinely lovely person. And inner beauty will win out for me, every single time.

    And every time I read posts about how people treat you sometimes, I get angry on your behalf. People are stupid sometimes.

  10. God the audacity of people really shocks me sometimes. I don't understand how someone can say such rude things to another person! I mean, how do you seriously live with yourself?! Even if I have an opinion about someone's appearance (lets be honest here, we're all human and we all judge) I would NEVER say it to their face. Keep it to yourself. My sister has Down's Syndrome and pretty much every time we go out to a mall or somewhere else crowded she gets stares and sometimes kids will whisper about how she looks, and it really makes me angry. It makes her angry too, and it's too bad bc it really hurts her feelings. So much so that she is now paranoid that people are staring at her and talking about her even if they aren't! Good for you for standing up for yourself bc those kind of people need to be called out. Mostly I find these kinds of ppl incredibly pathetic – it's pretty sad when you have to make fun of someone else's appearance to make yourself feel better about yourself. I mean, their self-esteem must be pretty bad to resort to such behaviour, and that is really really sad. If I ever saw that happening to someone I would tell them to Fuck Off too

  11. I've been reading your posts for a while here and on FB and thought it was time I said hello! I am amazed at the rudeness of people. Unfortunately if you're in the public eye I guess you have to cop some of it, but how people can take that same approach to you I just don't understand. Ignorance and rudeness of the highest level. I'm sure you have many fabulous people (and fabulous clothes!) around you that balance it. xx

  13. You & Megan Gale do have something in common – you both know how to handle a situation, while still sticking up for yourselves. I totally admire your ability to handle yourself in these situations, and I hope I'll be able to do the same one day!

  15. Long time lurker here…I enjoyed reading about you standing up for yourself – it is inspiring. It's sad that you have to since some people cannot exhibit basic courtesy.

    Unfortunately, our society so often posits a woman's looks as the most important thing she has to offer, so it is not suprising to me that this stuff happens continually, particularly to women.

    The only thing I disagree with is "No one should be ridiculed about their looks… Especially when you're as beautiful as her."

    I don't see why her beauty means she should be especially exempt from criticism.

    No one – whether they be beautiful, plain, unique, "ordinary", thin, fat, gap toothed, unusual-looking etc, no matter where they fall on your personal attractiveness spectrum – should be subject to abuse or unwanted commentary about the way they look.

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The material on Tune into Radio Carly is copyright. The writing in this blog is by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated. Most photos in this blog are by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated. Please do not reproduce without permission from Carly Findlay. This blog represents my personal opinions and experiences. It does not reflect those of my employers'. The information I provide about ichthyosis is mostly based on personal experiences. Please seek medical advice or counseling before trying any new treatments I've written about. Where stared, I use affiliate links on this blog. By clicking them, I receive a small percentage of the purchase.