I want to show you this but I probably won’t. I justifiably could though, given all the times you’ve been so joltingly honest with me.
I wonder if a whole year will go by without me thinking of you every day. Sometimes I just want to think of someone else.
While your list of cons far outstretches the pros, I still think you’re perfect. I told you I loved you, and you asked me not to. And I try.
I can remember every. single. thing. Conversations, smiles, breaths, attraction and affection, the love I felt, the hurt I felt, and the frustration. Everything. And the feelings between us are likely to be so uneven, weighted to my crazy, irrational, not a chance in hell but I’ll keep loving you anyway side.
There’s a reason that I keep buried inside – a reason why you still mean so much to me. I can’t articulate it to anyone, not to you, not even to myself. I wonder if I’ll ever find that again.
My life isn’t on hold. I’m having a great time. I’m not waiting for you. Of course I’d love for you to hold me again, even for us to talk and laugh together again. I’m being a realist, knowing better than those wishes. I am waiting for the day when my heart and mind is with someone else. I look forward to someone else catching my eye. For thoughts of them to make me dizzy with excitement. I haven’t felt that for so long. Not since you.