Ichthyosis can be inconvenient. Using vast amounts of paraffin (I will call it Vaseline) to moisturise my entire body is especially inconvenient. While I am quite clumsy, Ichthyosis/Vaseliney hands aside, my catching skills are compromised by my oily grip. And nothing says romantic like a case of acne pash-rash caused by my Vaseliney face puckering up to another. Boys, you know where to find me.
My handbag is generally filled with all kinds of
shit necessary stuff. It’s like a portable pharmacy, with eye drops, pawpaw ointment, antihistamine, panadol and a bandaid. Because I am clumsy. I also carry around a small jar of Vaseline. In my day handbag, it is a glass jar, filled with the paraffin scooped out from the bigger jars from the pharmacy.
When I go out at night and take a smaller bag, it’s generally a small Vaseline container, usually bought from the supermarket or sometimes the 7/11 if I am feeling rich/forgot my usual supply.
On a side note, I realised while at work that I had forgot my Vaseline and even though my face was very well moisturised, I suddenly felt like the world would end and my skin could shrivel up like a lizard at any time. So I went to the nearest 7/11 to purchase a jar of Vaseline but could not see any. So I asked the sales assistant. He was foreign, there was a language barrier, and he did not know what it was. He asked me where it would normally be kept. “Uhh right near the condoms and lubricants” I told him. He told me to look again. Still none so I walked another 100 metres to a chemist.
When purchasing said jar of Vaseline from a supermarket or 7/11, I pick the one from the back of the shelf, opening it and checking it to see whether there are any fingerprints or scoops taken out of it. Desperate times cause for desparate measures, and I expect many a sneaky customer to get a sneaky scoop of
vasso Vaseline to use as lube lipgloss. People are weird, right. And a little bit grotty.
The bag I take out at night is generally a lot smaller than my handbag for the day time. So I get a mini jar of Vaseline for these occasions. When I went to the Layne Beachley ball, I bought a very glamorous clutch bag. It was rigid and roomy to hold my Vaseline, yet so glamourous. And it cost almost $100. Only, on the night, with my phone, small purse, lipstick (I’ve become a lipstick wearer since London) and tissues, plus my little jar, the very expensive and glamourous clutch bag would not shut. My clutch’s lid was like a Muppet’s mouth. Not so glam.
So when I saw this pre-decorated jar of Vaseline on the Puberty Blues Facebook page, I thought it was the perfect accessory for me.
If I shoved my money down my bra and carried my phone like a hyper-connected teenager, I would not need a bag. Or jewellery? It’d be like a glow mesh jar of Vaseline. The on trend accessory for those with Ichthyosis.
Where can I get one? What fashion houses are doing them? I’d prefer mine in silver.
I guess if I had a bedazzler, I could make one myself.