Carly Findlay

Writer, speaker, appearance activist. Loving life!

  • About me
  • Say Hello – my book
  • Hire me!
  • Support Me
  • Contact
  • What is Ichthyosis?
  • Ichthyosis + appearance diversity resources
  • Disclaimer
  • Shop
  • Guest post contribution guidelines
  • Growing Up Disabled in Australia

On difficult responses to my face

May 27, 2022 Carly Findlay Leave a Comment

Once when I was on my way to work I asked for a seat on the train, because I was sore. The man refused, kicking up a fuss. He asked me why I need a seat, I said I was disabled, and I’m off to work. He said because I’m working I must not be disabled, and so didn’t need a seat. No one spoke up.

A little while after that, someone served me at the post office through the after hours pigeon hole. She was visibly scared of me as she opened the door. And when I asked her if she was scared of my face, she said no, and then returned with my mail, saying , “I’m really sorry, I wasn’t expecting it”,

The next year I sat on the train, looking at my phone, and the woman sitting next to me glanced over, saw me, and gasped. She got up and left. She was embarrassed but I was humiliated.

Earlier this year a group of young girls were staring at me in a cafe, and after a lot of me smiling, trying to make conversation, and then eventually telling them that staring is rude and I’d like to eat brunch and talk to my friend in peace, the adult who was with them told me she’s not their parent, that she works in disability, and that one of the girls has a certain medical condition – as if that justified the behaviour.

And then there’s the countless taxi drivers who have refused to take me, because they’re scared of my face. Sometimes they tell me but mostly they make an excuse that can’t be proven as discrimination. But I know it is.

When someone shows you that they’re scared of your face, it is devastating. I can’t explain the exhaustion and self consciousness that comes with this – even as a confident adult, expectant of this behaviour.

And then, when I write about it online, I get that secondary ableism as i mentioned the other day. People doubting that it happened; saying I’m overreacting or lying; suggesting that person had a bad day, or that I expect too much; or that of course kids are going to be honest and say they’re scared of my face. It makes me not want to share my experiences publicly.

I hope that the posts I’ve shared this Face Equality Week (and in Ichthyosis Awareness Month) have helped you think and change your behaviour and perceptions, and believe us.

I’m not posting this to gain sympathy. I am absolutely aware of my privilege compared to many others – and I can say that (perhaps because of my public profile) the majority of interactions I have with strangers are positive. But it doesn’t mean these encounters, and then the gaslighting that comes when I talk about them, don’t hurt.

Has this post helped you or made you think? Will you use it your school or workplace? Please consider buying me a drink.

Share this:

  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Uncategorized

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Socials

  • View tune.into.radio.carly’s profile on Facebook
  • View @carlyfindlay’s profile on Twitter
  • View carlyfindlay’s profile on Instagram
  • View sqoggle’s profile on YouTube

Book me to speak

Sign up for some love in your inbox

Listen to my podcast

Tune in

Enter your email address to receive new posts by email.

Archives

Popular Posts

  • What's with the image descriptions on my social media posts?
  • Interview with Beth Bradfield from Malory Towers
  • The death of Offspring's Dr Patrick Reid. The TV death that stopped a nation.
  • The discrimination hangover
  • July is Disability Pride Month
  • Six at Best - Eddie Perfect - Offspring
  • Creamoata: a much loved, yet lost food of my childhood. Help me find it.
  • Ichthyosis Awareness Month - The Girl Behind the Face: "Life’s rarely been split between either laughter or tears; both have existed simultaneously."
  • What kind of person laughs at a stranger's face?
  • On unwanted prayer and pity (or misplaced good intentions).

Copyright

The material on Tune into Radio Carly is copyright. The writing in this blog is by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated. Most photos in this blog are by Carly Findlay unless otherwise stated. Please do not reproduce without permission from Carly Findlay. This blog represents my personal opinions and experiences. It does not reflect those of my employers'. The information I provide about ichthyosis is mostly based on personal experiences. Please seek medical advice or counseling before trying any new treatments I've written about. Where stared, I use affiliate links on this blog. By clicking them, I receive a small percentage of the purchase.

Copyright © 2022 · Daily Dish Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.