Burnout after cancer

Hello. It’s been a big week on my social media – without me posting much. ABC shared an interview I did with Mum for 7.30 back in 2019 (7 years ago today!). It was a nice surprise to be featured again, and the comments have been supportive. I have gained hundreds of new followers – thanks. The second and third photos are from the day we filmed at the ABC – Mum and I being interviewed by wonderful Mon Schafter, and also sitting with Big and Little Ted. These pics made me smile so much.

But I’ve not posted on main, because the truth is, I think I am burnt out.

I’ve felt so down this week – tired, unmotivated, sad, overwhelmed, angry, scared and doubting everything I’m good at. I made a mistake. I haven’t slept well. And I couldn’t pinpoint a reason – because most things in my life are good. Better than they were this time two years ago.

And that’s the thing – this time two years ago I was a month on from being diagnosed with two types of cancer, thrown into early menopause and about to start the hardest medical period of my life – chemotherapy. It was so, so hard – causing the the worst skin I’ve ever had, and side effects long after the four rounds were done. After that, it was radiotherapy, which wasn’t as bad as chemo, but I fear for my bone density, and I wonder where my libido has gone. But I’m alive and cancer free, and that’s really good.

Last year I got straight back to work, back to living. I had a skin cancer removed from my face in August last year, and another at the start of July this year.

Yet it’s only this year that I realise how tired I was, that my body was still healing from the chemotherapy and radiotherapy and surgery to remove the cancer and my reproductive organs.

Still, I’ve been showing up day by day, week by week – I’m proud of the progress I’ve made, especially with my health and fitness. I’m back working equivalent of full time across my arts and freelance jobs.

And I think everything [*gestures wildly*] has caught up with me now. It’s been a lot. And it will take more time til I am ok. I think I need a proper rest.

When you work and then have to stop work because of cancer treatment, draw on your leave and savings to survive (if you have any of each), and don’t have generational wealth to cushion you, that’s no way to go on a retreat post cancer. You just resume the rat race to rebuild. In addition to that, there’s maintaining an house, paying bills, participating in society – all while trying to get enough rest and protein. And it’s so hard. 

Before COVID I used to travel a lot for work – but that reduced a lot because of the two obvious things – COVID and cancer changing the nature of work. So the incidental relaxation that I used to get with travel hasn’t happened a lot. It will soon, which I’m looking forward to.

And I also worry, how much longer can I say “I had cancer, I’m very tired” without people thinking I am making an excuse?

But you don’t just finish cancer treatment and magically recover. All the cancer representation I saw in movies prior to me getting cancer was that people were bald, vomiting a lot and then dead. I was only ever bald. I didn’t vomit once and I’m not dead.

There was no representation about how to manage with life after you’re told “you’re cancer free”.

💛🩵
Images: 1. Carly wearing yellow and blue. 2. Carly and Jeanette on set at ABC. 3. Carly and Jeanette with Big & Little Ted. Image 4: a threads post by @bad_bitch_of_bc – text reads: “If you’re cancer free today, please stop expecting yourself to immediately feel grateful, healed, or okay. you’re going to need approximately six to eight business years to process it.” Music is @alanis – That I would be Good.